I practically raised myself as I had a non conventional upbringing to say the least. Effects of my childhood still haunt me today but I feel it is better to try and learn from experiences, good and bad to help shape the person I aspire to be. I do not want to live my life being a ‘victim’ and dwelling on the wrongs done to me. I prefer to try to grow and learn from my experiences and heal the old wounds which are not serving any good in my life. Basically, I am always trying to improve the things within myself which I am not happy with and which are not serving my highest good.
Regardless of our upbringings, I believe that once we grow into adults we are in control of the choices we make in our lives. We can either choose to grow and mature ourselves to be responsible adults, or we can simply give up, blame the world for our misfortunes and settle for less – therefore allowing our children to do the same, possibly leading them down the wrong path just because we do not want to take responsibility for our lives. Large amounts of my generation have lost faith in themselves and their ability to get to where they want in life. We need to learn how to rebuild and maintain our self esteem so that we can believe and realise that we do deserve the best and it is available to us if we just open our hearts and minds to receiving it.
In my opinion too many women allow their self esteem and confidence to be trodden on by others, to the point that they feel that ‘just having a man’ is enough, even if the relationship is not healthy rather than having ‘no man at all’. I feel this mainly stems from fear of being alone. I have noticed that middle age women are most affected by this. There are many single middle age women out there who have been single for a long time and become so worried that they will not find love before they consider themselves to be too old, that they accept a relationship with a man who is not offering much in the sense of love and support, who only seems to drain the life force out of them. I believe ‘like attracts like’ so if we are in a vulnerable phase in our life, some of the men we will attract are the kind of men who prey on vulnerable women, not to help build them back up, but to break them down due to their own insecurities and low self esteem. If we as women want to attract the right kind of man for ourselves then we first need to build our own self worth and respect who we are and our right to be treated with respect by others and not settle for less regardless of the cost of being alone longer than we would prefer.
For those who have children, we owe it to them to find a loving partner because unhealthy relationships affect our children, sometimes much more than they affect us. It is up to us to show them the way by the way we treat ourselves and the way we allow others to treat us. Telling them one thing and then contradicting what we say with our actions will not work and only confuse them in the long run. Children are blessings and need guidance and support from us as they grow. They learn to view the world by the way we teach them and from what we show them. Parenting is not just about feeding them, clothing them, and sending them to school. A big part of being a parent is guiding and supporting our children the best way we know how, wising them up and giving them knowledge of how the world really is and how to survive in it. Our children are only borrowed to us and will eventually leave us to lead their own lives. When this time comes we can only hope and pray that we have guided them well enough so that they can make the correct choices for themselves and to be knowledgeable enough to find lessons within all the mistakes they make in order not to repeat them again.